Inventory/Father Time

Well so basically I am the oldest person alive in existence ever to live ever. And by that I mean I am now twenty three. (in the olden days they would say, "three and twenty", "they" being poets and James Joyce, etc.). I threw myself a birthday bash, appropriately titled "Methuselah Strikes Again". (in case you are slow, Methuselah is the oldest man in the bible at like 700 years, also the world's oldest tree!). The party was a HUGE success. There were donut bombs, cake bombs, cookie bombs, koolaid, and some sweet jams. That's basically all you (you=I) need for a party (party=hours of table-dancing).

Also since I have updated the blog I have done lots of things, many too exciting to share. Obviously. Did you think I would do something boring? no. I would not. If you think that, you should not be reading this blog.

To provide an overview, I will use one of my favorite methods: a list. (NOTE: my FAVORITE method is "song", but it's hard to convey the right tune/rhythm/raw emotion on a blog).
Here is my weekend inventory of net gains and losses:

lost:
Dignity (duh)
Probably a few friendships along the way
1 pair of pink sunglasses
$110 dollars (spent on koolaid and donuts)
A lot of fitness
A "race" but not really with erika this morning
Zebra dress (recovered!)
Pink shoes (recovered!)


Gained:
5 lbs (estimated)
New appreciation for julia
6 temporary tattoos
A large gray men's "Old Navy" T-shirt
A "Hand Grown in California" avocado sticker (stolen)
A new great dress from american apparel
A new sense of how insane yaz is actually becoming
My gray sweater vest that I thought was missing (thank GOD)

Let's focus in on the most important acquisition of the weekend: THE TATS.

Temporary tattoos are quickly becoming a nationwide fad, and by nationwide, I mean global. And by global, I really mean universal. They are pretty much my new favorite form of art/expression/procrastination. By my observations, a fake tattoo must comprise one or more of the following elements (more is ALWAYS better):

Thorns
Unicorns
Skulls
Abbreviations (ex. KTO NBD)
Dragons
Pirates
Cosmetic value
Flames
Large cats (ex: tigers, panthers)
Roses
Butterflies
Sparkles
Asian religious symbols

A good tattoo has 3 or more of these (ex: my sparkly dragon circling a thornbush tattoo)
a GREAT tattoo has all of these.
the BEST tattoo looks like this:
 
One other thing I must mention on today's post is the issue of life philosophies. These can include:

"no standards"
"no shame"
"no standards no shame"
"slam and jam"
"mash and dash"
"brews and bros"

SPEAKING of BROS....they are EVERYWHERE, including the English lexicon. For example, would you rather row in a Pocock or a BROcock? (With Crokers or BROkers?) Would you rather be friends with Vincent van Gogh, or Vincent van BRO? And of course, if you have to read Shakespeare, wouldn't you rather read the timeless tale of Bromeo and Dudliet? I know I would.

This has gone on long enough---arthritis has stricken my aged joints. I will close with a collaborative blog made by me and two of my friends. It's pretty good. (DUH).

"Castaway Bros: A Stanfordian Abroad....Too Far Abroad"

“Day 24: as we approached the shadowed figures, it was uncertain whether the oncoming ship would be friend or foe. With provisions running low, our main concern was fashioning a rudimentary hunting spear. Focus did not come easy, however, as the sunset was one of the most glorious I have ever beheld (when one gets the chance to see such a sight, one takes it!). “This is living”, I thought, as another breath of the sweet salty sea air filled my lungs.”


" Day 26: As we forlornly took leave of our new compatriots, I breathed a sigh of sadness, as in these short days we had formed a deep bond. When one faces hardships such as these, one cannot help but share a connection with those friends - nay, brothers - alongside. As we paddled away into the brisk morning, I was deeply sorry to leave them behind. Nothing but the joy of following the rippling back muscles in front of me could have lifted my despair. (it's only a physical man-crush, I swear!)"


" Day 36: Our makeshift craft beached itself like a dying whale struggling to cling on to its last breaths as the tide pushed us repeatedly onto the rocky shores of a small island. The night was cold, but the stifling night I knew would pass in a very likely claustrophobic cave made the breeze more refreshing than biting. As we wandered the coastline, we discussed the philosophies of the greats: Sophocles, Aristotle, Socrates. And moreso we related our own journey to that of Thoreau and the escape he found from being in nature. Oh how the great minds of history can so accurately portray the human condition. Here props must be thrown out to Dixon Bross if he's reading this. Aceing Philosophy 1A man? You're an animal! See you in a month.
My time here has been truly wonderful, but there are some small, simple things back home I miss. Spending time finding myself and my way home not only helps one understand other cultures, but it gives you a true appreciation for your own. Here's a list of some things I looking forward getting back to:

* Big breakfasts with pancakes, sausages, eggs, toast, OJ… you know, the works!
* Sweatpants & Sweatshirts- sweatpants aren't exactly functional when wading through bogs or slipping through jungle reeds to escape whatever beast might be on the hunt. I fought long and hard with myself over whether or not to weave a pair from the hairs I gleaned from the outsides of the coconuts we have been surviving on. In the end, I managed only a beanie with which to protect my locks from the harsh weather patterns of this glorious piece of land.
* Taking showers standing up- The only way we have managed to achieve a warm shower has been to leave a tarp with some water out in the sun and to pour said water on over each other.
* Fluency- the natives we have happened upon in the thickets speak in clicks and tongues, but luckily their internet connection has been strong enough to allow me to keep up my blog.
* Easy access to workout facilities- Not that I mind the well worn feel of rocks as I use the sheer rock walls for some pull ups from time to time. But I do miss the warm steamy showers after a great game of ball with the bros.
* Eating a real dinner: taking the time to create a meaningful tablescape that sets the tone for a memory that will forever be mine to reminisce about.