Broin' out, 24/7.

Recently, I have been directed to this blog. However, though bros may or may not like this site (I am no bro), for those of us who make it our priority to try to understand the "bro", we find this site to be woefully innaccurate/inadequate/impotent. And a bro would NEVER be impotent. Thus, I have, with much scheming and research with Carly, fueled by candy and Roctane (and coffee--black for Car, lots of sugar for me), compiled some thoughts on "What a Bro Wants"

First, some facts about bros.

Things a bro would eat:
macabroni and cheese
meat
brozen brogurt (also, we like to have Bros and yogurt).
anything charred
burritos
GU
anything that goes well with beer
Anything from the Brolific Oven
Brotisserie chicken (anything brotisserie, really...bonus if charred)

Places from whence bros come
Boy-Z, Idabro
Brohio
Broman Empire
Frats
Sororities (early in the morning, stride of pride)
Former Broviet Union
Bromania
Texas

Typical Hobbies of Bros
Brochet
Embro(i)dery
Brewin'
Broin'
Bromancin' (thrones, chicks, bros, etc.)
Browling
Brawling
Soccer

Mythical Bros
Broseidon: ruling the brocean with his giant three pronged....trident
Brorion: easy to spot in the sky because of his 3-star belt. shirtless obviously. kind of a tool.
Brodysseus: he's pretty much the man, even helping to win the brojan war.
Bromeo: the black sheep of the bros.... violated "bros before hos"
Nabroleon: compensated in full for his short stature
Nabroleon Dynamite: not a bro.

Many may think that being a bro is nbd, nbd NBD. However, bros lead very calculated, precise lives. A lot of "behind the scenes" planning goes into the bro lifestyle. For example, a typical bro-day might look like this:

6:00. wake up. NOT.
Alternatively, wake up, vomit, go back to sleep.
Alternatively, go to sleep.
note: if you are a sporty bro, you might actually have to get up. yikes.
7:00...
8:00...
9:00...
10:00. ok a bro might wake up now, only because if he is in a sorority, the sorority is awake by now. And they have a strict "no boys" policy. Yes, this applies to bros.
11-3: class, interspersed with some shirtless volleyball, broin' out with the bros, eating full meals, and just being a bro.
3-6: gym. lift as much weight as possible. wear cutoff shirt. do NOT elliptical. The only acceptable cardio a bro can do is basketball (an excellent cardibrovascular workout).
6pm: DINNER! Bros unite for the most important meal of the day. Make sure to get lots of brotein and carbrohydrates.
7-10: Brews and bros, BREWS AND BROS. brews and bros? brews. bros.
10-6: GET SOME. This is the only time a bro may interact with females (all other time is strict "bro time"). even then, only certain types of females can be accepted into the exclusive brociety, so a bro must choose carefully. Being a bro is hard work!!
Repeat.


For anyone still confused, may I direct you to this.

DONE AND DONE.