Deals on Deals

It seems as though I have neglected to post for awhile. I am, however, incredibly busy, and cannot be a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants blogger; that would be irresponsible and selfish. Do not worry, each post is handcrafted and detailed to provide the utmost in reader experience.

I would like to use this space to discuss the hardships of living the life in the lap of loyalty. "Loyalty?", you may ask, "Isn't it the lap of luxury? And don't you live in EAST Cambridge? It's practically Compton with less sassy cheerleading and more annoying Harvard Quidditch players (another time....DON'T get me started.)!"

But yes, I do mean loyalty. I am the LOYALest of them all. If Snow White had to choose a different adjective besides, "fair", that one way sham mirror would have my face just ZOOMING out of it. If I were born 200 years earlier, I would single-handedly make up most of those English sympathists. In fact, compared to me, Lassie is practically Benedict Arnold!

But, not-so-loyal Tory readers, I can chalk up this extreme to the four following factors:

a) Extreme amount of Time on Hands (see "things on things")
b) Lack of a full time job
c) A limited income (see part b)
d) A competitive and enterprising spirit--TRUST me on this one.

As it turns out, there are many Deals To Be Had, if only one knows where to look. Pretty much any restaurant in the greater Boston area has a loyalty club just WAITING to be joined by hungry ex-lightweights like me who have multiple gmail addresses and daytime Twitter access. In any given day, I can buy one to get one free, celebrate my birthday (or half birthday--thank you Ben and Jerry's), or simply receive $20 off for my Indian predilection! Coupled with the scrill I get from my life as a serial psychology subject, I haven't had to make a non-cash, non-coupon transaction since Easter! I'm definitely going to need to "monetize" this shit (see previous posts, also see part b above)

Currently, I'm scoping some mad deals up north, in the honeymoon-worthy idyllic hamlet of Niagara Falls (according to a friend, "If Canadians were in charge of Las Vegas, it would be Niagara Falls"...I would say this is true, although Vegas has practically NO water, let alone an entire falls-full). We went on the Maid of the Mist, and I will say, she was no maiden--navigated those falls with nary a slip-up (but at least we had protection!) and tomorrow the Day of Deals is going to begin with a $30 Fun Pass, which includes Dinosaur minigolf and admission to the wax museum. a TRUE STEAL if ever there was one.

The last tip I will leave for those who wish to be loyal and savvy and cool like me (but not cooler than me, thank you Mike Posner) is that you probably won't come close. I am the loyalest. I will give a word of warning to anyone who reads Psychology journals, though, and that word (phrase, rather) is that any major studies coming out of Harvard in the next few years are most likely significantly KTO-centric in their data set. If a "Study on Developmental Cognition" shows the trend for 18-to-34-year olds to prefer the color purple, cupcakes, and well-priced Indian food, I would be very suspicious about those T-scores. Psych!

Overall, I need, in this order:

1. Beer
2. Beer
3. Job
4. Celebratory champagne (I have a job!--see #3)
5. Harp
6. A witty entourage of minions (I have a job now, someone has to scour for Deals!)
7. Respect and fear of others
8. A calzone--(15% off first online order from Mangiamo)
9. Bros on Bros
10. $22 dollars of candy from bulk barn

Done and Done.
No Limits, No Regrets, No Standards, No Shame.

I really need this to be saved forever so I can watch it whenever I want.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zv8yEMRDe_w