Recently, I have been directed to this blog. However, though bros may or may not like this site (I am no bro), for those of us who make it our priority to try to understand the "bro", we find this site to be woefully innaccurate/inadequate/impotent. And a bro would NEVER be impotent. Thus, I have, with much scheming and research with Carly, fueled by candy and Roctane (and coffee--black for Car, lots of sugar for me), compiled some thoughts on "What a Bro Wants"
First, some facts about bros.
Things a bro would eat:
macabroni and cheese
meat
brozen brogurt (also, we like to have Bros and yogurt).
anything charred
burritos
GU
anything that goes well with beer
Anything from the Brolific Oven
Brotisserie chicken (anything brotisserie, really...bonus if charred)
Places from whence bros come
Boy-Z, Idabro
Brohio
Broman Empire
Frats
Sororities (early in the morning, stride of pride)
Former Broviet Union
Bromania
Texas
Typical Hobbies of Bros
Brochet
Embro(i)dery
Brewin'
Broin'
Bromancin' (thrones, chicks, bros, etc.)
Browling
Brawling
Soccer
Mythical Bros
Broseidon: ruling the brocean with his giant three pronged....trident
Brorion: easy to spot in the sky because of his 3-star belt. shirtless obviously. kind of a tool.
Brodysseus: he's pretty much the man, even helping to win the brojan war.
Bromeo: the black sheep of the bros.... violated "bros before hos"
Nabroleon: compensated in full for his short stature
Nabroleon Dynamite: not a bro.
Many may think that being a bro is nbd, nbd NBD. However, bros lead very calculated, precise lives. A lot of "behind the scenes" planning goes into the bro lifestyle. For example, a typical bro-day might look like this:
6:00. wake up. NOT.
Alternatively, wake up, vomit, go back to sleep.
Alternatively, go to sleep.
note: if you are a sporty bro, you might actually have to get up. yikes.
7:00...
8:00...
9:00...
10:00. ok a bro might wake up now, only because if he is in a sorority, the sorority is awake by now. And they have a strict "no boys" policy. Yes, this applies to bros.
11-3: class, interspersed with some shirtless volleyball, broin' out with the bros, eating full meals, and just being a bro.
3-6: gym. lift as much weight as possible. wear cutoff shirt. do NOT elliptical. The only acceptable cardio a bro can do is basketball (an excellent cardibrovascular workout).
6pm: DINNER! Bros unite for the most important meal of the day. Make sure to get lots of brotein and carbrohydrates.
7-10: Brews and bros, BREWS AND BROS. brews and bros? brews. bros.
10-6: GET SOME. This is the only time a bro may interact with females (all other time is strict "bro time"). even then, only certain types of females can be accepted into the exclusive brociety, so a bro must choose carefully. Being a bro is hard work!!
Repeat.
For anyone still confused, may I direct you to this.
DONE AND DONE.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
60% of My Diet
Three Musketeers are pretty much worthless. They are identical to an oatmeal cookie in that they are better than nothing, but you would never actively choose one given the choice. They are sort of like the proverbial shunned delinquent brother to the older and cooler Snickers and Milky Ways of the candy family. Recently, I had a discussion with someone about what constitutes a "Three Musketeers" of candy, and it got me thinking. Basically, I can't understand how the following "treats" stay in business.
Now and Laters: have you ever tried biting into concrete? Because that it what it feels like to bite into a Now and Later, except concrete doesn't rip the enamel off of your teeth as well.
Laffy Taffy: the main value of a Laffy Taffy is in the joke on the wrapper (although since these are often sent in by people like "Jimmy, 7" their quality is variable. Probably Laffy Taffy's greatest contribution to society is in the song, "shake that Laffy Taffy". And honestly, who would want to bite into something being "shaken" at a sweaty frat party? (do NOT answer that.)
Almond Joy/Mounds: can someone explain the difference between these two candies? Because to me, the main similarity is that in any bag of mixed candy, these will be the last ones left, bar none (maybe the Three Musketeers). I have once ventured to eat an Almond Joy (or maybe it was a Mounds, hard to say), but the only "Joy" I felt was in the fact that it was a "fun" size, and therefore only lingered on my palate for a brief three seconds (chewing fast).
Candy Buttons: these are the WORST. Besides being drops of hard, tasteless, who KNOWS what on a sheet of whatever 8.5x11 the manufacturer had lying around, they appear to be made of some sort of GLUE which ensures that any innocent consumer eats at least as much paper as they do "candy".
Black Licorice: While I enjoy black licorice, many people do NOT, and in fact HATE it. This makes any type of black licorice candy a very smart choice for hungry people like me who do not like to share their candy. Go to a movie with a date who doesn't like black licorice, buy a box of Good N' Plentys and the chance he'll ask to share is slim to none (caveat: if he hates black licorice, chances of a makeout sesh are ALSO slim to none. A small price to pay for getting PLENTY.)
Good Candies (extremely subjective...could also read: "The Way to My Heart"):
Jujyfruits
Dots
Jujyfruits
Butterfingers
Swedish Fish
Swedish Berries
Swedish Men (golden gods, all of them)
Jujyfruits
Twizzlers
Cadbury Mini-eggs
Also, Carly says you ("you" being "us", who are candy and personality connoisseurs) can judge a person by the type of candy they like.
For instance: anyone who would actually put a Now and Later into their mouth, attempt to chew, and actually enjoy it is either extremely dim, extremely stubborn, severly calorically deficient, or some combination of the three. (alternatively, they can't be blamed if they actually wanted a little bit of concrete, as some do.)
Another way candy can be the metaphorical "window to the soul" is if you ever see someone willingly buy a plain Hershey's bar. boRING. The only way this is acceptable is if you (the person) is planning on making S'mores. And THIS is only acceptable if we (=ME) are invited.
Also. People who share candy are NOT to be trusted. I would never share more than one bite of candy (unless I bought a three musketeers. In this case, TAKE IT ALL, and then TAKE ME to the hospital. Something is obviously wrong)
The best thing about candy is that it tastes delicious, and can encompass anything from a three foot gummy snake ("Big Fat Hissy Fits") to a tiny little bite of heaven (Big Hunk minis) to a singular grain of Pixy Stix sugar (from the giant plastic size, obviously). I'm not going to say anything sappy like "candy brings us together" because honestly, that would only happen if you tried to eat a Now and Later and then kiss someone.
GOOD LUCK trying to get out of THAT jam. can you say TST?
BLISS:
Now and Laters: have you ever tried biting into concrete? Because that it what it feels like to bite into a Now and Later, except concrete doesn't rip the enamel off of your teeth as well.
Laffy Taffy: the main value of a Laffy Taffy is in the joke on the wrapper (although since these are often sent in by people like "Jimmy, 7" their quality is variable. Probably Laffy Taffy's greatest contribution to society is in the song, "shake that Laffy Taffy". And honestly, who would want to bite into something being "shaken" at a sweaty frat party? (do NOT answer that.)
Almond Joy/Mounds: can someone explain the difference between these two candies? Because to me, the main similarity is that in any bag of mixed candy, these will be the last ones left, bar none (maybe the Three Musketeers). I have once ventured to eat an Almond Joy (or maybe it was a Mounds, hard to say), but the only "Joy" I felt was in the fact that it was a "fun" size, and therefore only lingered on my palate for a brief three seconds (chewing fast).
Candy Buttons: these are the WORST. Besides being drops of hard, tasteless, who KNOWS what on a sheet of whatever 8.5x11 the manufacturer had lying around, they appear to be made of some sort of GLUE which ensures that any innocent consumer eats at least as much paper as they do "candy".
Black Licorice: While I enjoy black licorice, many people do NOT, and in fact HATE it. This makes any type of black licorice candy a very smart choice for hungry people like me who do not like to share their candy. Go to a movie with a date who doesn't like black licorice, buy a box of Good N' Plentys and the chance he'll ask to share is slim to none (caveat: if he hates black licorice, chances of a makeout sesh are ALSO slim to none. A small price to pay for getting PLENTY.)
Good Candies (extremely subjective...could also read: "The Way to My Heart"):
Jujyfruits
Dots
Jujyfruits
Butterfingers
Swedish Fish
Swedish Berries
Swedish Men (golden gods, all of them)
Jujyfruits
Twizzlers
Cadbury Mini-eggs
Also, Carly says you ("you" being "us", who are candy and personality connoisseurs) can judge a person by the type of candy they like.
For instance: anyone who would actually put a Now and Later into their mouth, attempt to chew, and actually enjoy it is either extremely dim, extremely stubborn, severly calorically deficient, or some combination of the three. (alternatively, they can't be blamed if they actually wanted a little bit of concrete, as some do.)
Another way candy can be the metaphorical "window to the soul" is if you ever see someone willingly buy a plain Hershey's bar. boRING. The only way this is acceptable is if you (the person) is planning on making S'mores. And THIS is only acceptable if we (=ME) are invited.
Also. People who share candy are NOT to be trusted. I would never share more than one bite of candy (unless I bought a three musketeers. In this case, TAKE IT ALL, and then TAKE ME to the hospital. Something is obviously wrong)
The best thing about candy is that it tastes delicious, and can encompass anything from a three foot gummy snake ("Big Fat Hissy Fits") to a tiny little bite of heaven (Big Hunk minis) to a singular grain of Pixy Stix sugar (from the giant plastic size, obviously). I'm not going to say anything sappy like "candy brings us together" because honestly, that would only happen if you tried to eat a Now and Later and then kiss someone.
GOOD LUCK trying to get out of THAT jam. can you say TST?
BLISS:
Monday, March 2, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Double the Fun?
The tandem.
Oh, the tandem. When I first asked my parents if I could bring it to school freshman year I had no idea how much it would come to mean to not only me, but my friends (one at a time, on the back).
We used it a lot sophomore year; I would take my roommates to their classes, pick them up at the end, and then we would ride to lunch. The perfect date. Also the tandem always came in handy when someone had had a few too many beers but didn't want to get a BUI. Solution: put 'em on the back of the tandem.
More recently, I've had to use the tandem as my main bike, since my regular bike was stolen (and found again--actually a really good story; I ended up picking a lock and confronting a kid outside of Wilbur Dining...) and now has a flat tire. LUCKILY, I have the tandem as a fall-back option!
The tandem has some pros and cons however, when used as a regular bike.
Pros:
I do not have to walk
I can give people a ride if need be
People get out of the WAY for the tandem
Nobody will steal it (tooooo obvious)
Cons:
Dead weight with nobody on the back
Tandem--not so good on hills
Turning is more difficult
The stares I receive
And yes, there are some stares. Some people get really excited and yell "Tandem!" Most old men who are creepy try to make a joke like "looks like you lost someone on the back". ha.
Sometimes I think about whether I could use a tandem to get bros, like, ride by and offer one a ride, then ride off into the sunset (as long as it's not uphill). This has not happened. My interactions with people because of the tandem have been:
"Oh my god, are you ok?" (when I took a turn too sharply and the back handlebars caught on a pole...NOVICE)
"SWEET BIKE"
"Well, looks like I'm caught on the tandem" (some kid whose sleeve got snagged on the tandem handle bars)
"TANDEMMMM!"
"My mom said she saw the strangest sight today! Someone was riding a bike, but it had an extra seat on the back! But she was riding by herself! I said, 'Mom, I think I might know that girl'"
none of these involve sunsets. HowEVER one thing the tandem does do is spark conversations (even if they're with freshmen and their moms, talking about what a strange sight I am), so I'm not giving up hope.
Thanks, Tandem.
Oh, the tandem. When I first asked my parents if I could bring it to school freshman year I had no idea how much it would come to mean to not only me, but my friends (one at a time, on the back).
We used it a lot sophomore year; I would take my roommates to their classes, pick them up at the end, and then we would ride to lunch. The perfect date. Also the tandem always came in handy when someone had had a few too many beers but didn't want to get a BUI. Solution: put 'em on the back of the tandem.
More recently, I've had to use the tandem as my main bike, since my regular bike was stolen (and found again--actually a really good story; I ended up picking a lock and confronting a kid outside of Wilbur Dining...) and now has a flat tire. LUCKILY, I have the tandem as a fall-back option!
The tandem has some pros and cons however, when used as a regular bike.
Pros:
I do not have to walk
I can give people a ride if need be
People get out of the WAY for the tandem
Nobody will steal it (tooooo obvious)
Cons:
Dead weight with nobody on the back
Tandem--not so good on hills
Turning is more difficult
The stares I receive
And yes, there are some stares. Some people get really excited and yell "Tandem!" Most old men who are creepy try to make a joke like "looks like you lost someone on the back". ha.
Sometimes I think about whether I could use a tandem to get bros, like, ride by and offer one a ride, then ride off into the sunset (as long as it's not uphill). This has not happened. My interactions with people because of the tandem have been:
"Oh my god, are you ok?" (when I took a turn too sharply and the back handlebars caught on a pole...NOVICE)
"SWEET BIKE"
"Well, looks like I'm caught on the tandem" (some kid whose sleeve got snagged on the tandem handle bars)
"TANDEMMMM!"
"My mom said she saw the strangest sight today! Someone was riding a bike, but it had an extra seat on the back! But she was riding by herself! I said, 'Mom, I think I might know that girl'"
none of these involve sunsets. HowEVER one thing the tandem does do is spark conversations (even if they're with freshmen and their moms, talking about what a strange sight I am), so I'm not giving up hope.
Thanks, Tandem.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Cubester Paradise
I forgot to mention a very important event in my life, probably one of the most exciting things I have ever witnessed. Of course I am talking about the International Rubik's Cube competition held at the Exploratorium in San Francisco.
If you have never been to a Rubik's cube competition, I highly HIGHLY recommend it. There are lots of different events (something for everyone!) including the 5x5x5, 4x4x4, 3x3x3, "magic stick", "pyramix", 3x3x3 "one-handed" and 3x3x3 blndfold. Not only did I feel like the coolest person there, I got to meet a lot of new friends including:
Ellery: his social skills could use some work and at first we thought he wasn't that cool. Then he solved the "Pyramix" in 5.68 seconds and shot up about a million points in my book (also in Molly's. I explained to her that this is part of the "speed goggles" phenomenon)
Tom: Though wearing an "Addicted to the Cube" t-shirt, he claimed that he "just wasn't that into Rubik's cubes. I think he was trying to impress us. Ha. if he REALLY wanted to impress us he should have spent more time practicing the Pyramix.
Danny: an eleven-year old cube phenom who was a real crowd-pleaser. Molly and I have higher standards than the average cube competition-watcher, though, so we weren't that impressed. (I could do that when I was ten!)
"David" (can't remember if that's actually his name): He goes to stanford! He's big (and I mean BIG) in the cubing world (he's probably in all the magazines, I have GOT to subscribe). The officials running the event made sure that he was last (best for last, you know) and when it was his turn the crowd gathered around to watch. While his average solve time wasn't amazing, he did do a single 10.00 second solve!!! (It wasn't a world record, though, as some guy in Germany has done a sub-ten). I'm holding out for a world record holder.
Others: a "cubester couple" who worked on their cubes together, a guy who looked exactly like wolverine (his hair alone said a lot), some extreme cubers who brought a giant plastic tub of about 60-70 cubes (I'm not making this up!), a kid with one hand who did surprisingly well in the one-handed division, some bros who were surprisingly good at the cube.
I will just say that I love going to the Rubik's cube competition because in a sense, it's sort of like a cross country meet, or a regatta, or any other type of event in which the really hard-core enthusiasts come out of the woodwork. I will say, though, that it's probably a good thing the cuber's don't wear unis.
In other news, my brother wrote a Christmas carol to the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town:
You better watch out
You better be shy
Better run out
I'm telling you why
FBI/USA/CIA is searching Iraq
They're pretty pissed
Your head has a price
They're gonna find out who’s gonna get knifed
FBI/USA/CIA is searching Iraq
They hear him when he’s talking
They’ll search when he’s awake
They want you to be dead and gone
You should run while you still can
O! you better watch out
Better be shy
Better run out I'm telling you why
FBI/USA/CIA is searching Iraq
Osama should be running from town
If you have never been to a Rubik's cube competition, I highly HIGHLY recommend it. There are lots of different events (something for everyone!) including the 5x5x5, 4x4x4, 3x3x3, "magic stick", "pyramix", 3x3x3 "one-handed" and 3x3x3 blndfold. Not only did I feel like the coolest person there, I got to meet a lot of new friends including:
Ellery: his social skills could use some work and at first we thought he wasn't that cool. Then he solved the "Pyramix" in 5.68 seconds and shot up about a million points in my book (also in Molly's. I explained to her that this is part of the "speed goggles" phenomenon)
Tom: Though wearing an "Addicted to the Cube" t-shirt, he claimed that he "just wasn't that into Rubik's cubes. I think he was trying to impress us. Ha. if he REALLY wanted to impress us he should have spent more time practicing the Pyramix.
Danny: an eleven-year old cube phenom who was a real crowd-pleaser. Molly and I have higher standards than the average cube competition-watcher, though, so we weren't that impressed. (I could do that when I was ten!)
"David" (can't remember if that's actually his name): He goes to stanford! He's big (and I mean BIG) in the cubing world (he's probably in all the magazines, I have GOT to subscribe). The officials running the event made sure that he was last (best for last, you know) and when it was his turn the crowd gathered around to watch. While his average solve time wasn't amazing, he did do a single 10.00 second solve!!! (It wasn't a world record, though, as some guy in Germany has done a sub-ten). I'm holding out for a world record holder.
Others: a "cubester couple" who worked on their cubes together, a guy who looked exactly like wolverine (his hair alone said a lot), some extreme cubers who brought a giant plastic tub of about 60-70 cubes (I'm not making this up!), a kid with one hand who did surprisingly well in the one-handed division, some bros who were surprisingly good at the cube.
I will just say that I love going to the Rubik's cube competition because in a sense, it's sort of like a cross country meet, or a regatta, or any other type of event in which the really hard-core enthusiasts come out of the woodwork. I will say, though, that it's probably a good thing the cuber's don't wear unis.
In other news, my brother wrote a Christmas carol to the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town:
You better watch out
You better be shy
Better run out
I'm telling you why
FBI/USA/CIA is searching Iraq
They're pretty pissed
Your head has a price
They're gonna find out who’s gonna get knifed
FBI/USA/CIA is searching Iraq
They hear him when he’s talking
They’ll search when he’s awake
They want you to be dead and gone
You should run while you still can
O! you better watch out
Better be shy
Better run out I'm telling you why
FBI/USA/CIA is searching Iraq
Osama should be running from town
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Inventory/Father Time
Well so basically I am the oldest person alive in existence ever to live ever. And by that I mean I am now twenty three. (in the olden days they would say, "three and twenty", "they" being poets and James Joyce, etc.). I threw myself a birthday bash, appropriately titled "Methuselah Strikes Again". (in case you are slow, Methuselah is the oldest man in the bible at like 700 years, also the world's oldest tree!). The party was a HUGE success. There were donut bombs, cake bombs, cookie bombs, koolaid, and some sweet jams. That's basically all you (you=I) need for a party (party=hours of table-dancing).
Also since I have updated the blog I have done lots of things, many too exciting to share. Obviously. Did you think I would do something boring? no. I would not. If you think that, you should not be reading this blog.
To provide an overview, I will use one of my favorite methods: a list. (NOTE: my FAVORITE method is "song", but it's hard to convey the right tune/rhythm/raw emotion on a blog).
Here is my weekend inventory of net gains and losses:
lost:
Dignity (duh)
Probably a few friendships along the way
1 pair of pink sunglasses
$110 dollars (spent on koolaid and donuts)
A lot of fitness
A "race" but not really with erika this morning
Zebra dress (recovered!)
Pink shoes (recovered!)
Gained:
5 lbs (estimated)
New appreciation for julia
6 temporary tattoos
A large gray men's "Old Navy" T-shirt
A "Hand Grown in California" avocado sticker (stolen)
A new great dress from american apparel
A new sense of how insane yaz is actually becoming
My gray sweater vest that I thought was missing (thank GOD)
Let's focus in on the most important acquisition of the weekend: THE TATS.
Temporary tattoos are quickly becoming a nationwide fad, and by nationwide, I mean global. And by global, I really mean universal. They are pretty much my new favorite form of art/expression/procrastination. By my observations, a fake tattoo must comprise one or more of the following elements (more is ALWAYS better):
Thorns
Unicorns
Skulls
Abbreviations (ex. KTO NBD)
Dragons
Pirates
Cosmetic value
Flames
Large cats (ex: tigers, panthers)
Roses
Butterflies
Sparkles
Asian religious symbols
A good tattoo has 3 or more of these (ex: my sparkly dragon circling a thornbush tattoo)
a GREAT tattoo has all of these.
the BEST tattoo looks like this:
One other thing I must mention on today's post is the issue of life philosophies. These can include:
"no standards"
"no shame"
"no standards no shame"
"slam and jam"
"mash and dash"
"brews and bros"
SPEAKING of BROS....they are EVERYWHERE, including the English lexicon. For example, would you rather row in a Pocock or a BROcock? (With Crokers or BROkers?) Would you rather be friends with Vincent van Gogh, or Vincent van BRO? And of course, if you have to read Shakespeare, wouldn't you rather read the timeless tale of Bromeo and Dudliet? I know I would.
This has gone on long enough---arthritis has stricken my aged joints. I will close with a collaborative blog made by me and two of my friends. It's pretty good. (DUH).
"Castaway Bros: A Stanfordian Abroad....Too Far Abroad"
“Day 24: as we approached the shadowed figures, it was uncertain whether the oncoming ship would be friend or foe. With provisions running low, our main concern was fashioning a rudimentary hunting spear. Focus did not come easy, however, as the sunset was one of the most glorious I have ever beheld (when one gets the chance to see such a sight, one takes it!). “This is living”, I thought, as another breath of the sweet salty sea air filled my lungs.”
" Day 26: As we forlornly took leave of our new compatriots, I breathed a sigh of sadness, as in these short days we had formed a deep bond. When one faces hardships such as these, one cannot help but share a connection with those friends - nay, brothers - alongside. As we paddled away into the brisk morning, I was deeply sorry to leave them behind. Nothing but the joy of following the rippling back muscles in front of me could have lifted my despair. (it's only a physical man-crush, I swear!)"
" Day 36: Our makeshift craft beached itself like a dying whale struggling to cling on to its last breaths as the tide pushed us repeatedly onto the rocky shores of a small island. The night was cold, but the stifling night I knew would pass in a very likely claustrophobic cave made the breeze more refreshing than biting. As we wandered the coastline, we discussed the philosophies of the greats: Sophocles, Aristotle, Socrates. And moreso we related our own journey to that of Thoreau and the escape he found from being in nature. Oh how the great minds of history can so accurately portray the human condition. Here props must be thrown out to Dixon Bross if he's reading this. Aceing Philosophy 1A man? You're an animal! See you in a month.
My time here has been truly wonderful, but there are some small, simple things back home I miss. Spending time finding myself and my way home not only helps one understand other cultures, but it gives you a true appreciation for your own. Here's a list of some things I looking forward getting back to:
* Big breakfasts with pancakes, sausages, eggs, toast, OJ… you know, the works!
* Sweatpants & Sweatshirts- sweatpants aren't exactly functional when wading through bogs or slipping through jungle reeds to escape whatever beast might be on the hunt. I fought long and hard with myself over whether or not to weave a pair from the hairs I gleaned from the outsides of the coconuts we have been surviving on. In the end, I managed only a beanie with which to protect my locks from the harsh weather patterns of this glorious piece of land.
* Taking showers standing up- The only way we have managed to achieve a warm shower has been to leave a tarp with some water out in the sun and to pour said water on over each other.
* Fluency- the natives we have happened upon in the thickets speak in clicks and tongues, but luckily their internet connection has been strong enough to allow me to keep up my blog.
* Easy access to workout facilities- Not that I mind the well worn feel of rocks as I use the sheer rock walls for some pull ups from time to time. But I do miss the warm steamy showers after a great game of ball with the bros.
* Eating a real dinner: taking the time to create a meaningful tablescape that sets the tone for a memory that will forever be mine to reminisce about.
Also since I have updated the blog I have done lots of things, many too exciting to share. Obviously. Did you think I would do something boring? no. I would not. If you think that, you should not be reading this blog.
To provide an overview, I will use one of my favorite methods: a list. (NOTE: my FAVORITE method is "song", but it's hard to convey the right tune/rhythm/raw emotion on a blog).
Here is my weekend inventory of net gains and losses:
lost:
Dignity (duh)
Probably a few friendships along the way
1 pair of pink sunglasses
$110 dollars (spent on koolaid and donuts)
A lot of fitness
A "race" but not really with erika this morning
Zebra dress (recovered!)
Pink shoes (recovered!)
Gained:
5 lbs (estimated)
New appreciation for julia
6 temporary tattoos
A large gray men's "Old Navy" T-shirt
A "Hand Grown in California" avocado sticker (stolen)
A new great dress from american apparel
A new sense of how insane yaz is actually becoming
My gray sweater vest that I thought was missing (thank GOD)
Let's focus in on the most important acquisition of the weekend: THE TATS.
Temporary tattoos are quickly becoming a nationwide fad, and by nationwide, I mean global. And by global, I really mean universal. They are pretty much my new favorite form of art/expression/procrastination. By my observations, a fake tattoo must comprise one or more of the following elements (more is ALWAYS better):
Thorns
Unicorns
Skulls
Abbreviations (ex. KTO NBD)
Dragons
Pirates
Cosmetic value
Flames
Large cats (ex: tigers, panthers)
Roses
Butterflies
Sparkles
Asian religious symbols
A good tattoo has 3 or more of these (ex: my sparkly dragon circling a thornbush tattoo)
a GREAT tattoo has all of these.
the BEST tattoo looks like this:
One other thing I must mention on today's post is the issue of life philosophies. These can include:
"no standards"
"no shame"
"no standards no shame"
"slam and jam"
"mash and dash"
"brews and bros"
SPEAKING of BROS....they are EVERYWHERE, including the English lexicon. For example, would you rather row in a Pocock or a BROcock? (With Crokers or BROkers?) Would you rather be friends with Vincent van Gogh, or Vincent van BRO? And of course, if you have to read Shakespeare, wouldn't you rather read the timeless tale of Bromeo and Dudliet? I know I would.
This has gone on long enough---arthritis has stricken my aged joints. I will close with a collaborative blog made by me and two of my friends. It's pretty good. (DUH).
"Castaway Bros: A Stanfordian Abroad....Too Far Abroad"
“Day 24: as we approached the shadowed figures, it was uncertain whether the oncoming ship would be friend or foe. With provisions running low, our main concern was fashioning a rudimentary hunting spear. Focus did not come easy, however, as the sunset was one of the most glorious I have ever beheld (when one gets the chance to see such a sight, one takes it!). “This is living”, I thought, as another breath of the sweet salty sea air filled my lungs.”
" Day 26: As we forlornly took leave of our new compatriots, I breathed a sigh of sadness, as in these short days we had formed a deep bond. When one faces hardships such as these, one cannot help but share a connection with those friends - nay, brothers - alongside. As we paddled away into the brisk morning, I was deeply sorry to leave them behind. Nothing but the joy of following the rippling back muscles in front of me could have lifted my despair. (it's only a physical man-crush, I swear!)"
" Day 36: Our makeshift craft beached itself like a dying whale struggling to cling on to its last breaths as the tide pushed us repeatedly onto the rocky shores of a small island. The night was cold, but the stifling night I knew would pass in a very likely claustrophobic cave made the breeze more refreshing than biting. As we wandered the coastline, we discussed the philosophies of the greats: Sophocles, Aristotle, Socrates. And moreso we related our own journey to that of Thoreau and the escape he found from being in nature. Oh how the great minds of history can so accurately portray the human condition. Here props must be thrown out to Dixon Bross if he's reading this. Aceing Philosophy 1A man? You're an animal! See you in a month.
My time here has been truly wonderful, but there are some small, simple things back home I miss. Spending time finding myself and my way home not only helps one understand other cultures, but it gives you a true appreciation for your own. Here's a list of some things I looking forward getting back to:
* Big breakfasts with pancakes, sausages, eggs, toast, OJ… you know, the works!
* Sweatpants & Sweatshirts- sweatpants aren't exactly functional when wading through bogs or slipping through jungle reeds to escape whatever beast might be on the hunt. I fought long and hard with myself over whether or not to weave a pair from the hairs I gleaned from the outsides of the coconuts we have been surviving on. In the end, I managed only a beanie with which to protect my locks from the harsh weather patterns of this glorious piece of land.
* Taking showers standing up- The only way we have managed to achieve a warm shower has been to leave a tarp with some water out in the sun and to pour said water on over each other.
* Fluency- the natives we have happened upon in the thickets speak in clicks and tongues, but luckily their internet connection has been strong enough to allow me to keep up my blog.
* Easy access to workout facilities- Not that I mind the well worn feel of rocks as I use the sheer rock walls for some pull ups from time to time. But I do miss the warm steamy showers after a great game of ball with the bros.
* Eating a real dinner: taking the time to create a meaningful tablescape that sets the tone for a memory that will forever be mine to reminisce about.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Cheesecake
Yesterday was National Cheesecake Day, which meant that the Cheesecake Factory was selling cheesecake slices for $1.50. DUH we were there! But so was everyone else on th entire east coast. Seriously, there should be more than one Cheesecake Factory north of the Mason-Dixon line! It felt kind of like Disneyland on a crowded day. You wait in line, and you think you're getting closer, but then there's a turn in the line, and another. And you've waited so long that it doesn't make sense to leave now, and then you get to the ride, and even if it is lame, you have to pretend it was the best ride of your life.
That is what it was like at the Cheesecake Factory on National Cheesecake Day. We waited for 3 hours to get our $1.50 slices of cheesecake, but because we waited so long, it tasted like the best f-ing cheesecake of our entire lives. Jen cynically thinks that this holiday was invented by the Cheesecake Factory; I have to do more research before I can corroborate or disprove that claim.
Today I lived a different sort of American dream. I walked the mile or so to this reservoir nearby, sat down by a table to read Sherlock Holmes, and saw....AN ALBINO SQUIRREL! It was craazy! Basically I was minding my own business when I saw a flash of white out of the corner of my eye. Then it zoomed up a tree and I realized I was witnessing the "Snow White" of squirrels in a dexterous treetop maneuver; if it didn't probably have rabies, I would have tried to pet it. I will have to say it was the most beautiful and majestic squirrel I have ever seen in my short life. Except it probably had rabies. They always do.
Also, I have said there are many hipsters in Boston, but yesterday we were riding back from practice when we passed a boy, college-aged perhaps, walking to work. I thought he was wearing pajama pants, Di thought he was wearing Ralph Lauren pants. He also had a sweatband and a V-neck...does that make him a hipster? also, I didn't understand the pants.
Most likely, he didn't have time to dress and we're overanalyzing. But, that's fashion!
That is what it was like at the Cheesecake Factory on National Cheesecake Day. We waited for 3 hours to get our $1.50 slices of cheesecake, but because we waited so long, it tasted like the best f-ing cheesecake of our entire lives. Jen cynically thinks that this holiday was invented by the Cheesecake Factory; I have to do more research before I can corroborate or disprove that claim.
Today I lived a different sort of American dream. I walked the mile or so to this reservoir nearby, sat down by a table to read Sherlock Holmes, and saw....AN ALBINO SQUIRREL! It was craazy! Basically I was minding my own business when I saw a flash of white out of the corner of my eye. Then it zoomed up a tree and I realized I was witnessing the "Snow White" of squirrels in a dexterous treetop maneuver; if it didn't probably have rabies, I would have tried to pet it. I will have to say it was the most beautiful and majestic squirrel I have ever seen in my short life. Except it probably had rabies. They always do.
Also, I have said there are many hipsters in Boston, but yesterday we were riding back from practice when we passed a boy, college-aged perhaps, walking to work. I thought he was wearing pajama pants, Di thought he was wearing Ralph Lauren pants. He also had a sweatband and a V-neck...does that make him a hipster? also, I didn't understand the pants.
Most likely, he didn't have time to dress and we're overanalyzing. But, that's fashion!
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